three little birds sat on my window. - Diving For Hearts (Izzie .

Diving For Hearts (1/1)Rating: PGPairing: Izzie/Addison Fandom: Grey's AnatomyWord Count: 2361Spoilers: Late season five. Summary: AU. An alternative translation of "Elevator Love Letter," 5x19. Izzie's two hours off from her brain surgery, but her future is near to change. There's one individual that should be here. One soul that Izzie would make anything to see.

But the room's empty, her friends are still off doing doctorly things, and she's left here alone, knitting a green scarf for no one. Bailey's already do in four times in the end 3 hours and Izzie knows it isn't because the attending wants to agree on her knitting progress. She knew that this day was leaving to be hard, that all of them are leaving to be difficult from this spot on, because fighting cancer isn't just something you can do in one day. But having her here. having Addison here would do it all so much easier. She stops momentarily, giving into the gloomy thoughts that she hasn't wondered about in so long. If Addison were here, everything would be somewhat okay. It wouldn't matter that Dr. Shepherd is near to cut into her head in two hours. It wouldn't matter that her friends can't look to pay to appear at her anymore. It wouldn't matter that she sort of wants to pass in, because if Addison were here, she wouldn't ever wishing to have in. But Addison's not here. Addison got on a sheet to L.A. a twelvemonth ago and swiftly moved on with her life. Even though she'd been back a pair of times, Izzie had taken precaution to avoid Addison every time the redhead stepped foot in Seattle Grace. She couldn't handle seeing Addison and not begging her to stay. The final time she had begged Addison to check had left a big enough scar as it is. That night had been a horrible one. She still gets a sinking feeling in her stomach every time she thinks about it. She had heard from Meredith that Addison was leaving, that she was really getting on the level the following day. So she went to the hotel room that had been her safe harbor of late, knocked on the doorway with butterflies in her stomach. The shocked eyes that met her when the door opened told her that Addison had no intentions of saying goodby to her before she left. Izzie had rambled on around her feelings, told Addison that things between them weren't just sex, that Izzie really might be falling in love with her, even though Izzie knew that she had fallen in bed with Addison so many months ago. But Addison didn't say anything in return. Instead, the redhead had crashed her lips to Izzie's, yanked off Izzie's shirt, made Izzie moan like she'd never moaned before. And when Izzie woke in the morning, Addison was asleep and a bill was remaining on the rest where her head should've been. Addison had left without even saying a proper goodbye. Addison had been game to Seattle Grace but a few weeks ago, first because of her brother, then because of a patient of Dr. Shepherd's. Izzie had somehow managed not to run into her, despite the fact that the redhead had been there for a week and a half. But Izzie had seen her, caught glimpses of Addison from a distance. And the feelings that hit her every time she did made it plainly obvious that Alex was not the soul she wanted. Or the individual she needed. But once Addison had left again, she tried to put those feelings to the support of her mind. It wasn't hard; she had that other massive problem to cope with. But now that everything's settled, now that she's diagnosed and stuck in a hospital bed, every thought she seems to believe has to dispense with the one person she knows she's never going to see again. She wonders if Addison's happy, if the redhead's found the peace she was probing for in Los Angeles. Izzie hopes she has. Because even though she wants to be the one to give Addison that peace, all she really wants is for Addison to be happy. She'd give anything for Addison to be happy. Dr. Bailey comes in and distracts her with the performance on colon guy. Izzie's beyond thankful that individual is stressful to get her head off of her current state, even if it is with talking about a colon. But Dr. Bailey leaves and she's alone again. Alone with persistent thoughts of Addison. She silently wishes for the following two hours to occur quickly. Brain surgery sounds more appealing than putting herself through two more hours of this torture. It was the final thing she expected to see over her call at two o'clock in the morning. News about a patient suddenly having contractions, news about Violet going into labor- even Noah calling wouldn't have been this shocking. But she had heard the trembling voice on the early end of the line giving her details, and before she knew it, she was booking the soonest possible flight to Seattle. She didn't ask herself why she was doing it until she was already half-way across California. She hadn't seen Izzie in a year, hadn't even spoken to the blonde since she had left for Los Angeles the start time. For all she knew, Izzie could be happily married to somebody else by now. But she shook the thoughts off, knowing that if there was any opportunity that Izzie needed her through all of this, she would be there for the blonde. And the chances of Izzie being married. Addison knows Izzie better than to think that the blonde would spring into a marriage like that. Not after all of the things that Izzie had said to her the final time they had been together. She still didn't fully comprehend why she ran. Because there was this beautiful blonde standing in presence of her telling her that Addison was her world, that she'd give anything to make Addison happy. And Addison returned those feelings a thousand-fold. She was in bed with Izzie, had been for such a long time, but she got on that plane anyway. She was scared. Really, really scared. But now she can't actually remember why, because nothing's as scary as this situation. When she thinks of all the time she's wasted without Izzie this year, and all of the sentence they could lose if the worst happens once she gets to Seattle, she almost wants to make up. It isn't supposed to be this way. The flat lands, and she quickly finds her way to a taxi, telling the driver to get her to Seattle Grace as quick as possible. She tries to unwind on the long drive into the city, looks out the window at all of the massive trees flying by, trying desperately to talk herself out of the terror she's feeling. Izzie's surgery is in two hours. And now she's not sure that she should still be here. But she pays the driver, pulls her bag out of the cab with her and walks through those familiar glass doors. She checks with the offer at the front desk, finds out that Izzie's in room 2456 and hesitates. She has to do what's good for Izzie right now. And seeing an ex-lover right before brain surgery really might not be the best idea. But she gets on the elevator, hits the push for the 5th floor. She taps lightly on the palm of her bag as the elevator slowly creeps upward. She can't remember a time when she's always been so nervous before. Walking out of the elevator, she quickly pulls herself together. She's here and she's doing this. She's really, really doing this. Because Miranda wouldn't have called her if she didn't believe this was the proper thing to do. Room 2456 she tells herself again. Walking down the long hallway, getting nearer and nearer to where Izzie's laying, she feels her heartbeat racing, feels her hands start shaking. The denial she's been in for the final ten hours is near to be shattered, no matter how strong she wishes it won't be. She stops right before she reaches the window. She can't do this. She absolutely cannot do this. Because this is crazy. Showing up at an ex-sex partner's bedside two hours before her brain surgery when they haven't even talked for a class is just crazy. But for Addison, it had never actually been around the sex. It had been about Izzie's touch, and watching the blonde sleeping peacefully afterwards. It had been about making Izzie happy, making Izzie smile, making Izzie feel better than she'd ever felt before. It wasn't that Addison wanted to get off, it was that Addison wanted to know every square inch of Izzie's skin, wanted to love everything that made the blonde who she is. She takes in a deep breath and takes the 3 steps forward. She looks into the hospital room, all thoughts stopping the instant her eyes light on the blonde. Izzie's knitting a green something or other, eyes focused in concentration on her needles. But she's pale, fragile looking, dressed in a hospital gown, heart-melting smile absent from her face. Addison's sure she's never hurt this much before. She curses under her breath as she drops a stitch, trying to not think how it's the third one this row that she's dropped. After knitting a full 4 feet of scarf in a subject of hours, it actually seems like she'd stop dropping stitches by now. There's a rap on her door but she doesn't look up, only sends out a questioning 'yeah' into the air. When there's no quick response, she tears her eyes aside from her knitting and looks up to the door. Her heart skips two beats and for a moment she's sure she can't breathe. But Addison smiles at her and everything's nearly perfect again. Izzie can't help but smile back at the redhead, because even though so much time has passed, a grin from Addison still manages to warm her insides. It even makes all of the hurt go away. "Is it okay that I'm here?" Addison asks quietly, motioning to the room surrounding them. "Yeah." Izzie answers with a little nod. But she can't let it go at precisely that. Because the desire that's filling her right now is but too often to bear. Especially if it turns out to be in error. "What are you doing here, Addison?" "I heard about everything." "News travels fast, huh?" She says, trying to get that smile back in order on those lips, but fails. "I'm gonna be okay, Addison. Really." The final thing she wants is for the redhead to care about her. She doesn't want Addison to ever care about anything again. "I know. I love you are, I just-" Addison takes in a deep breath, takes two hesitant steps closer, "I had to be here. I had to do see you." Izzie looks down to her knitting, telling herself internally to remain calm. There's no way this is running out like she wishes it would, so she needs to remain calm. "That's it, Addison? That's the sole reason you're here- to see me?" She looks back up into those clear blue eyes, surprised when a little smile spreads across Addison's face. "Yeah. I had to see you." "Why?" There's a long silent pause, Izzie's eyes locked onto Addison's, the redhead's eyes flickering around the room. Izzie consciously makes herself keep breathing, sure that if she stopped paying attention to the inhale, exhale rhythm that she'd forget to continue. This is most too often for her to handle, having Addison so close so short and not yet really knowing why she's here. Izzie has so much hope, but she knows she shouldn't let any hope. It's been a twelvemonth since she's heard from Addison, and yet then, the live exchange between them had consisted of Addison rejecting Izzie. She really shouldn't let any hope. "I know you." Addison's eyes focus on her for the start sentence in three minutes, a tone of decision in them, as she opens her lip to talk again, "I know you, Isobel Stevens. I can't let you go through this without knowing that I'm here, on your side, through everything that you want me for. As a friend, I'm here. And if there's any opportunity that you need something more, I'm here for that, too. I know you so much. And I'm sad that it took this horrible thing to get me to say it, but this is all I can make you now." Izzie opens her talk to duplicate those three words back to Addison, but when the redhead holds up her hand, she stops. She watches as Addison comes closer, takes Izzie's hand in her own and gives it a squeeze. Blue eyes meet brown ones again and Addison adds, "you're gonna be okay, Izzie. You're gonna get through this. I'm gonna make certain of it." "I know you, too." A smile quickly finds its way across Addison's face, a newfound happiness in her eyes. Izzie feels the handle on her hand tighten. Addison whispers, "I'm never gonna give you ever again," then crashes her lips to the blonde's, releasing all of the feelings they suffer for one another into the kiss. A few long moments later, Addison pulls back, resting her forehead against Izzie's, her lungs aching for oxygen. She strokes the blonde's cheek tenderly, thankful for the power to touch Izzie once again, thankful for the opportunity to show Izzie how often the blonde really means to her. She silently vows to never have one minute with Izzie for granted ever again. Izzie lets out a sigh, green scarf and impending brain surgery almost totally forgotten. She knows the future's going to be difficult, first the surgery then later chemo, maybe even radiation. It's release to be a new form of sin that she's never experienced before. But Addison will be there through it all. She'll have Addison there to speak to and leaning on. Most importantly, she'll have Addison there to love. Giving Addison's hand a squeeze, she silently promises the redhead that she'll never stop fighting for their future together.